Take My Hand
by TenRose4ever
Summary: In Pete's World, Rose struggles with the challenges of being a new mum, and the Doctor does his very best to help her through the transition.
1. Chapter 1

This story originated from a discussion with pir8grl about a scene in her lovely Nine x Rose AU fic, _Show Me Your Moves (on AO3 and Teaspoon)_ , where the Doctor is dancing and singing to one of his babies, who is snuggled in a baby carrier against his chest. My ovaries completely exploded and I couldn't get the image of Tentoo doing something similar out of my head…

But it turned into something larger than I had expected… so please enjoy 10 mini-chapters of this story. And **PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS AND TAGS!** I tried to hit all of them that might apply, but please let me know if I missed any that you think should be there!

 **WARNING** : Baby-fic; Postpartum challenges and mild depression; Breast-feeding

 **Tags** : Baby-fic; Postpartum depression; Postpartum challenges; postpartum body changes; Body image; Breast feeding; Angst; Hurt/Comfort; Strong language; Discussion of sex

Part of my _These Two Hearts_ Series

Title based on the lyrics from _Can't Help Falling in Love_ , by Elvis Presley, 1961. ( watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU )

UNBETAed – mistakes are all mine!

 **In chapter 1, the Doctor arrives home to chaos and a very frustrated Rose.** **Chapter WARNINGS:** this chapter contains scenes of difficult breast feeding, anxiety, and frustrated baby and parents, and the resultant strong language that goes along with those issues.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"Don't touch me!"

The Doctor's hand snapped back as though he'd been shocked. "Rose…"

"I… I… I jus' need some space."

"Alright… Rose…" he stammered, fishing for a different approach, something positive that didn't necessarily involve touching her. His eyes roved over the chaos that was the kitchen. Perfect! "Blimey! It looks like something exploded in here! Count me impressed! I mean a disaster like this… weeell, that… now _that_ takes _some_ doing, and _I_ should know! I _am_ the expert when it comes to this sort of thing. But clearly, you've done me one better… Brilliant!" He flashed her a proud, toothy grin.

She glared at him through narrowed eyes, lips pursed, hands buried in a sink full of pots that had been accumulating for days.

The grin slipped from his face. Not good. Perhaps not the sort of thing she wanted to hear. He ruffled the hair at the back of his head and reached out to soothe her through their bond. He was met with an impenetrable mental wall, and backed away, eyes wary. "I'll just leave you to it then, yeah? I'll just go and check on Hope, shall I?"

"Don't you _dare_ wake 'er! You got that? Don't you dare…!"

His hands flew up in surrender. "You have my word. No waking the baby. Scout's Honour!" He retreated from the room backwards, nearly tripping over the laundry basket that sat on the floor. "Oi! Not a wise place to leave this, Rose. Someone could get hurt." Frustrated, he shoved the basket to the side with his foot, glancing up at Rose's rigid form before he whirled away. "Sorry… so sorry. Right! I'm off." Loosening his tie, he fled through the dining room and living room (both in a complete shambles he noted) before leaping up the stairs two at a time.

He tiptoed past the nursery and into the master bedroom to change his clothes. Rose always seemed to like when he wore his jeans… yeah, the jeans and that hoodie that she had given him at Christmas.

He had just taken off his trousers and jacket when he heard Hope's whimper. "Oh, no, no! Shhhhh, sweetheart," he whispered, dashing to the nursery doorway wearing only his shirt and pants. "Mummy is _not_ going to be happy that you're awake, love. And you know who she'll blame, don't you? Your poor, innocent, ol' Dad, that's who!" He stole up to the cot and couldn't suppress his smile of awe as his eyes met the misty-grey, newborn eyes of his daughter. "Back to sleep now, Hope." As he stroked the wild tuft of buoyant, brown hair, and pressed a kiss to her tiny forehead, he felt Hope's artless presence brush his mind. He let his love for her resonate along their connection.

Hope closed her eyes and he turned away, easing from their mental link as he padded back toward the hallway. He had only taken two steps when she began to wail in earnest. In seconds he was by the cot again, sweeping the infant into his arms. Hunger and indignation rushed into his mind with force as the little girl bombarded him with images of Rose… Rose's breasts to be specific… (now _that_ was a lovely sight!) "Keep it together, Doctor," he chided himself, "if you ever want to see those breasts again in real life." He shushed the infant urgently, rocking her to no avail.

Rose appeared at the doorway, fuming. The Doctor looked helplessly into her furious face. "I… I didn't do anything, Rose! I promise!" His gaze was drawn down to her swollen chest where wetness seeped through the fabric of her T-shirt. "You… you're leaking, Rose."

"I'm always fuckin' leakin'!"

"Oi! Swear jar!"

The baby wailed louder, her insistent hunger crashing through the Doctor's brain.

"Fuckin' swear jar is fuckin' full!"

"Oh…"

"Well, _give_ 'er to me, then!" Rose plunked herself down in the squishy rocking chair that sat in the corner of the room. Pulling up the soaking t-shirt, she undid the nursing bra, removing it completely. "More laundry!" she grumbled, abandoning it to the floor.

"Oh…"

Hope's cross, little face was beet red now, and she was gagging on her cries.

" _Hurry!_ Give her to me!"

The Doctor stuttered something that was unintelligible even in his own mind, and passed Hope to her Mum's outstretched arms. He watched as Rose positioned the baby across her body, and allowed wonder to suffuse his face when the squirming little creature's lips suckled on the offered nipple, her little fists coming up to knead Rose's engorged breast.

There was tranquility for a brief few seconds, before he heard a strange gurgle and Hope sputtered milk everywhere.

Her howls of hunger began anew.

"What happened, Rose?"

"I dunno. I'm so useless. It's been 'appening all day. My milk is finally in but now I'm so full," she gestured to her breasts with a free hand, as she moved the distraught baby up to her shoulder with the other, "that she can't get a proper latch, an' then the milk comes shooting out into 'er mouth so fast that she starts to choke. And it bloody _hurts_ to be like this. God, what am I doin' wrong? Why am I so useless? I can't even do _this_ right, the most natural thing in the world!" She screwed her eyes shut in frustration.

The Doctor knelt beside her, stroking her hair. He sent all his love through their bond, and this time she opened to him, allowing his presence, inviting his attempts at comfort. After a minute, Rose had calmed somewhat, and Hope's cries had faded to whimpers.

"She's not getting' enough to eat," Rose murmured. "She'll starve to death!"

"She'll do nothing of the kind. We'll sort this, Rose."

"How?"

"Well, if your breasts are too full, can you not empty them a little first? The milk has no problem flowing, yeah. How about you squeeze a little more out first, love."

She nodded her head frantically. "Yeah, alright. Where?"

"Pass her to me. She'll be all right for a few minutes. There we go. Right, now take off your shirt. It's already soaked anyway," he continued in steady, quiet tones, holding Hope against his shoulder, rubbing her back in gentle circles. "And just hold it up against you and…"

"…squeeze." Rose snorted a manic giggle. "Feel like a bloody cow, I do!" She tried to express the milk into the T-shirt. "'S not working!"

The Doctor could feel her panic escalating again, and apparently so could Hope as she resumed her hungry yowls, fear tingeing the ribbons of her thoughts. "Stay calm, love," he told her. "Give it a minute. There now. It's working now, is it?"

Rose's head bobbed in agreement, tears of relief pooling in her eyes. "Her crying actually 'elped let the milk down again, I think."

"Ready to have her back?"

"Yeah, yeah, I am."

Within a minute he was chuckling with pride at both his girls, as he listened to Hope's greedy gulps. "Well, she's certainly not starving now!"

Rose was silent for a moment, and then their eyes met. "I love you," she offered with a sigh.

"Love you too. Both of you. To the end of space and time."


	2. Chapter 2

Rose spends some time with her mum and reveals some of her fears and frustrations.

 **WARNING** : this chapter contains strong language and colourful descriptions of life with a newborn baby and postpartum body issues!

* * *

Chapter 2

"I dunno, Mum," Rose lamented. "I jus' thought it would be easier, yeah. "

"Give yourself time, sweetheart," Jackie Tyler set a mug of tea down in front of Rose. "You've barely got through the first week. It takes time for you _and 'er_ to adjust. 'Sides, you're lucky, you have 'imself. Goodness knows 'ow I managed with you! Your father was gone all day and most nights trying to sell those crazy concoctions to whoever would buy 'em. Was all alone, I was, most of the time you was newborn. An' then he died… But I managed. An' you will too."

"Yeah, the Doctor, 'e's great. 'E gets up at night to change 'er, and bring 'er to me for a feedin'. Never complains. 'E's up 'alf the night anyway. You know how 'e is. But durin' the day, it's jus' me an' 'er, yeah. And, yeah, I know. I _know_. I _wanted_ to do it on my own, I asked for this… but that's when everything goes pear-shaped…" Her hands covered her face, a hopeless attempt to conceal the sob that burst from her lungs.

"Sweetheart…" Jackie sat down beside her daughter, draping an arm across her shoulder.

"I'm so useless, Mum!" Rose rested her head against Jackie's shoulder.

"Now you listen to me, Rose! You're not useless. You're knackered and your body and mind are tryin' to adjust."

"How come everyone makes it sound like it's going to be rainbows and butterflies? It's _not_! It's shit and blood and other bodily fluids everywhere! If it's not 'ers it's mine!" She winced at Jackie's shocked expression. "Sorry…"

"Nah, don't worry, love. You need to let it out. Let it go, Rose."

"They say that 'avin' that little person in your arms makes up for everything. And I love her to bits… I do! And I would do anythin' for her, but… I jus'… I don't feel like me anymore. I don't even look like me. And I feel so… used. My body is just this blobby, fat, milk machine that's 'xpected to run 24/7 and never break down. An' the house is a complete disaster. An' I can't think straight: I don't know whether I'm comin' or goin'. And the Doctor…"

"What _about_ him? If 'e's…"

Rose gasped through the torrent of tears. "I… I… I… love him…"

"Well, of course you do, y' plum."

"B…bu…but when he tries to touch me…"

"'S alright, sweetheart."

She shook her head violently, "No, no it's not!"

"Anyway, it's still too early for that sort of thing, yeah. 'E should know that! Is 'e tryin' to get you to…?"

" _NO_! No… God! No, of _course_ not! I mean… I… I _know_ it's too early, and 'e does too! I don't mean _that_ exactly. Just kisses, and hugs, yeah? Bein' sweet to me."

"Well, that's nice, ain't it? 'E loves you so much. You're 'is world, you are."

"I know, but I… I… feel so… I don't want 'im to… but I love him!" she wailed. "But by the time 'e's 'ome… I've been touched all day, almost non-stop… intimately! An' I know 'e jus' wants to show me that 'e loves me, but I jus' feel so… so invaded. An' I get angry and push 'im away. All I want 'im to do is take Hope so I can have some peace; some personal space."

"You need to tell 'im."

"'Ow can I tell 'im _that_? It would break 'im." She swiped at her nose with the back of her hand.

"Here you…! Tissue!" Jackie commanded shoving the box in Rose's face.

Rose took several of the offered tissues, and worried them in her hand, pulling and twisting them until shreds fell off, littering the sofa and plush carpet.

"Oi! Look at the mess you're makin'! Honestly!"

"Sorry… I jus' don't know w'at to do. W'at do I say to 'im, Mum?"

"Jus' w'at you said to me sweetheart. ('Ere, give me that tissue!) 'E'll understand, I reckon. Better than you think 'e will."

"Yeah?"

Jackie's response was interrupted by fussy little noises coming from the car seat on the floor by Rose's feet. "Ah, there you go, Rose, she jus' wants to see her ol' Gran. Don't you, Princess Hopie?" With the ease of experience, she soon had Hope released from the carrier and secured in her arms. She cooed at the baby with reassuring tones. "I'll get 'er changed and you can feed 'er, yeah?"

"Thanks, Mum! Thanks for havin' me over this afternoon. Thanks for everything."

"I know you think you need to do everything on your own. You always were stubborn and head-strong. But you know how welcome you are 'ere. This is your home too, anytime you need it. 'Sides, Uncle Tony will be head-over-heels to find out his niece is visitin', not to mention his big sister! 'E'll be in from school any minute now."


	3. Chapter 3

**A bit of Doctory fluff: The Doctor plans a surprise for Rose to help relieve some of the stress she's been suffering.**

 **No warnings on this chapter, except that it's really short!**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

"Oh, you are getting to be such a big girl!" the Doctor crooned, stroking the doorframe of the wardrobe as he stepped out of it. "Your chameleon circuit is working perfectly! Brilliant! Though, I was rather fond of the old, blue police box. Have to introduce you to that soon. I wonder if they ever had police public call boxes in this universe… Hmmmm…? But just wait until Rose hears the news!"

The young TARDIS gave a joyful hum in response.

"Now, don't you spoil the surprise! Don't be letting anything slip. Rose is very thin-skinned right now. Hope is taking a lot out of her. I want to tell her at the right time. I don't want her to think I'm pushing her into anything. She is under enough stress as it is. After all, there's no rush."

The TARDIS gave an uncertain warble as he closed the door.

"You'll just have to trust me," he smiled at the impatient time ship.

His mobile, vibrating in his pocket, distracted him. "Hello! Jackie?"

…

"Everything is set. How long ago did she leave?"

…

"That gives me…errrrrmmm… fifteen minutes or so! Brilliant!"

…

"She had a nice time, then…?"

…

"You know I would never intentionally–"

…

"I've been all over space and time with her, Jackie." He rubbed a weary eye with his index finger. "I _know_ how bloody stubborn she can be."

…

" _Oi_! No need to shout! Trust me! I know how to–"

…

"Thank- _you_ , Jackie! _Goooood byyyyeee_!" Glaring at the device in his hand, he swiped the screen to hang up on his mother-in-law. "Harpy…!" he grumbled to himself. "Actually, I've met harpies," he continued to mutter, "and they were positively charming compared to _that_ one.

"Right! The finishing touches…!"

He spent the next ten minutes setting their little dining table for two: napkins folded – check; iPod hooked up – check; candles lit – check; flowers in centre of table (no roses! Weeeell, one rose…) – check! Perfect! And he still had a few minutes to draw a bath for her.

He bounded up the stairs three at a time, launched himself into the ensuite, and with a skip and a pirouette, spun the taps on the tub, threw in generous amounts of vanilla-scented Epsom salts and strawberry bubble-bath, and laid out a soft, fresh towel. Rushing back into the bedroom, he set a gift-wrapped box on Rose's side of the bed, adjusting the angle a few times.

He was peering at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, ruffling up his hair and running his tongue along his teeth when he heard the car crunching along the driveway. He gave his reflection a cheeky wink. _Still got it!_ he preened to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Rose arrives home from her mum's to find the Doctor has been very busy in her absence.

 **WARNING** : post-partum body image issues discussed

The second half of this story was inspired by a prompt from Timepetalsprompts over on Tumblr, a long while back: _hidden_. I originally planned to make it a drabble, but it just fit so well with this story… and a drabble wasn't nearly long enough, anyway.

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

Rose rushed up the steps of the TARDIS-blue house, Hope asleep in the car seat, swinging at her side. The Doctor would be home any minute now, and she hadn't even begun to think about what was for supper. Not that there was any food in the fridge. Or any clean pots to cook with. Or any dishes to eat from. She sighed. Takeaway again… She missed the camaraderie she and the Doctor had always shared in the kitchen, the effortless rhythm they had developed when cooking together. Even from Rose's early days on the TARDIS, when the Doctor had been dressed in jumpers and leather, they had worked in tandem, two parts of a whole. She was desperate to have that comforting rhythm return to her life. It would likely be a while…

In an effort to see things in a positive light, she reminded herself that at least she wouldn't have to worry about preparing food for Hope probably for months now. Since yesterday evening, after the baby had finally been able to latch, there had only been a few minor setbacks and the subsequent anxiety attacks. And now, with a properly full tummy, Hope had been napping more soundly and for somewhat longer periods. Spending time with her Mum and Tony had been a welcome diversion too.

No… this had definitely been a good day.

Now, if she could just get through the evening… Her mum was right: she would have to speak to the Doctor and possibly break his single human heart in the process.

As she shoved the front door open with her shoulder, she was met with a wonderful aroma: supper, already being prepared. Pushing further into the house, she stepped into the living room, and was dumbfounded at the sight before her: a clean, tidy, cozy home. She set Hope down, and wandered into the kitchen. Every surface gleamed, the sink was empty and shining, and the only pots in sight were the ones on the stove-top: the source of the wonderful smells.

"Ah-ah!" the Doctor scolded from behind her, as she reached with quivering fingers to lift the lid of the nearest pot.

Startled, she jumped. "Blimey!" she gulped, her heart thundering against her ribs.

The Doctor chortled. "I'm sorry, love. So sorry."

"Prat!"

"Oh, is that all the thanks I get? Slaving all day…"

"Oh, no!" Rose bit her bottom lip, tears welling in her eyes. "No Doctor, 's wonderful! I… I don't know what to say." She dashed away a tear that trickled over her cheek.

The Doctor stepped up to her, gathering her to him. "Oh, weeeell, you could start by mentioning how brilliant I am…"

"You think you're so impressive." She managed a tongue-touched smile.

"I _am_ so impressive, as well you know, Rose Tyler! And after you've had a look around, you will probably want to update my status to 'pure house-keeping genius'. But, I'll ask you to hold your opinion until you have been upstairs. Because then… then, my love, then you will realize you are in the presence of the 'True Husband-God'." He released her with a soft kiss on her forehead, and helped her out of her jacket.

With a hand pressed to her lower back, he guided her out of the kitchen and over to the bottom of the stairs. "Off you go, love. You will find a bath awaiting you: the perfect temperature and filled with bubbles. Go on," he urged. "I'll bring Hope up."

Rose's tears spilled over, and she turned to nestle herself against him, sobbing. Her words choked in her throat. "I… I… I love you!"

"I love you, too. Now go on, before your bath gets cold. I'll come and check on you in a few minutes and scrub your back if you like."

 **-oOo-**

About twenty minutes later, the Doctor stood in the bedroom doorway, admiring Rose. She was frowning at her reflection, robe hanging open around her. Catching sight of him in the mirror, she gasped, hastily covering herself.

He stepped into the room to stand behind her, and pressed a kiss against her temple. Reaching around her waist, he untied the robe again. He let his gaze rove over her reflection. "You're so _beautiful_. Please don't keep yourself hidden from me."

Meeting his eyes in the mirror, she forced a chuckle. "I look like a Slitheen."

"Nah, wrong skin-tone, love."

"Shut up…" she muttered with a wry smirk.

"Rose, your lovely, human body has just done an _ama_ -zing thing. You nurtured a brilliant, little person in there; a little person who was created, to some extent, because I find her Mummy to be an exceptionally sexy human."

She gestured to the mirror. "Pfffft," she huffed, "I'm not sexy. Not anymore. I'm all saggy and stretch-marked and…" She choked back a sob and crossed her arms over her abdomen.

He turned her around to face him and dropped to his knees before her, tugging her hands away from her belly and replacing them with his own. Touching her skin with reverent strokes, he tried to catch her eye, but she tipped her chin up, face turned from him, her lower lip quivering. "What? These marks here?" He ran his fingers along the darkened stripes of her stretch marks. "From my perspective, they're brilliant! Beautiful! A badge of honour! And this extra little bit of skin is just more for me to love. And every bit as soft as the rest of you… softer, really!" He kissed her belly.

"Softer…!" she scoffed. "I'm jus' fat…"

He stood up, and pushed the robe from her shoulders. He trailed his hands along the tempting hourglass contours of her body. "Softer..." he breathed into her ear. His hands stopped when they cupped her bum through her knickers. Giving her buttocks a gentle squeeze, he pulled her against him, and leaned in to taste her lips. "Curvier... Cuddlier... All so our little Hope can snuggle with her mum, and not put out her eye against some pointy old bone of yours."

The Doctor's heart soared when Rose giggled, and she tucked her head against his shoulder. "All for 'er benefit, is it?" She pulled back again, grinning up at him.

"Weeell, I suppose there is quite a substantial gain for me too…" He made a point of ogling Rose's swollen breasts, with an impudent waggle of his eyebrows.

"Git!"

"Yup! But I'm _your_ git."

"Yeah, y' are. But you _know_ we 'ave to wait a while yet before we…"

"…Dance? I know, love," he pressed his forehead to hers. "I'll be all right. Let's just try to enjoy this evening? I'm just about to dish up. So open that present of yours," he nodded toward the beribboned package on the bed, "and meet me downstairs when you're ready."


	5. Chapter 5

Rose tries to enjoy the evening the Doctor has worked so hard to create.

 **WARNING** : discussion of breast-feeding, postpartum body image, and sex.

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

Rose spun around before the mirror, the soft, rich, burgundy fabric of her dress swirling around her ankles. The Doctor had outdone himself with this gift: a dress designed for new mums, with a wrap bodice that tied under the breasts to create a supportive empire waistline, which could be easily untied or pulled aside for nursing. The end result was a practical outfit that not only enhanced Rose's décolletage, but skimmed her body, softening and elongating her curves. After a relaxing bath, and now, with soft make-up applied, and hair curled in long, loose ringlets, she felt… not sexy, not by a longshot… but a little bit pretty.

She glided out of the bedroom, peeking into the nursery as she passed. She paused at the nursery door, an irrational anxiety filling her heart at the sight of Hope's still form. Slipping into the room, she approached the cot. She placed a gentle hand on the baby's abdomen, feeling with relief, a steady swell and release of breath. With a soft smile, Rose tiptoed from the room and down the stairs.

The Doctor was awaiting her at the bottom. "You're beautiful," he approved, watching her descend.

Rose felt her cheeks flush, feeling self-conscious under his scrutiny. She tucked her hair behind an ear, and allowed him to take her hand and guide her into his arms.

"Thank-you for this dress. 'S wonderful. You've done so much." Tears welled up in her eyes, as she pushed back from him, feeling that illogical sensation of claustrophobia from being held in his arms, when, at the same time, she craved his comforting presence. "I don't deserve it… any of it… you. I've been a right cow."

"Rose, stop it. I want us to enjoy this evening… I think we have a little time to spend together before…

"D'ya think she'll be all right?" she snuffled.

"Look! I even set up the baby monitor!" He gestured to the little device with a flourish. "Now, just relax and enjoy. Are you hungry?"

She nodded emphatically, dabbing at the corners of her eyes to clear the last of the tears, as her emotions settled.

"Well, sit right down, Mademoiselle." He made a show of taking her to the table and drawing a chair out for her.

Soon they were both enjoying heaping plates of spaghetti Bolognese, and glasses of red wine that the Doctor had dealcoholized with a new setting on his sonic screwdriver.

Rose groaned in appreciation as she chased a mouthful of the delicious pasta with a sip of the wine. "Doctor… this is goooorgeous! The wine… are you sure the alcohol is gone?"

"Rose Tyler, I'm crushed. How could you doubt me?"

She shot him a dubious grin, thinking of the numerous gadgets he had exploded and concoctions that he had created since he had arrived in Pete's World. "You seriously want me to answer that?"

"I _will_ admit that there have been some…, erm… errors of judgement on my part, in the past. But, now that my sonic is finally fully functional, the guesswork has been almost completely removed from the equation. So, drink up! Enjoy all the benefits of red wine without the all the drawbacks."

They sat in silence, listening to the soft music playing in the background. Rose was trying to be calm, desperate to enjoy the evening after the Doctor had put in so much effort to make it perfect. But she found herself restless and fidgety, and felt the Doctor's presence brush the edge of her thoughts, requesting access.

When she didn't respond, he covered her hand that picked at the edge of the tablecloth. "What's the matter, love?"

"Nothin'… nothin' much. Forget it, yeah?

"Rose…" he frowned. "It's something, or it wouldn't be bothering you so much."

"It's jus'… nah, don't worry..."

"I'm not going to let this go, Rose. We are always such rubbish at talking about things that need to be talked about, you and me. And I… if something is upsetting you, I need to know. I'm trying to be better at talking… weeell, talking has never been much of a problem for me, but I mean talking about important things and really, when it comes right down–"

" _I'm afraid I'll never want to have sex with you again!_ " Rose blurted out. She felt a hot flush across her cheeks. She couldn't bear to meet the Doctor's gaze.

"Right… maybe not _quite_ what I was expecting…"

"I mean… I… I… jus'… I... Even when you jus' hug me, sometimes, I feel like you're in m' personal space, and I've never felt like that before."

"Oh…"

"An' I've never felt so much like _not_ having sex in my life!"

"Weeell, Rose… that's all completely natural. A woman's libido typically declines post-partum as her body is healing. Sometimes it takes… a while for things to um… stabilize."

"But I _love_ you!" Rose wailed. She began to sob again. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Blimey! Rose. Can I…?" He got up and came to her side of the table, crouching down beside her. "Can I hug you, Rose?"

She shook her head, but offered him her outstretched hands.

He immediately engulfed them in his own, kneading and massaging them.

"That feels so good," she hummed.

"That's good. I'll just keep doing this then, shall I?" He sent an encouraging smile and she dipped her head in agreement.

A few quiet minutes later, he spoke again, a hesitant request: "May I touch your mind, love?"

"I dunno… Maybe later, yeah?" Rose ached at the badly concealed shadow of disappointment that crossed his face in response to her words. "'M sorry, Doctor. I don' _wanna_ feel this way! It's just since Hope… since she was born, yeah, I'm being touched all the time; she's in my mind every time I hold her. And my body just responds. I've no say in it." She wriggled her hands free of the Doctor's tender grip and began picking at her nails.

The Doctor remained hunkered down next to her, observing her, and she choked back more tears at his devotion and patience. "I jus' want everything to go back to normal."

He laughed, a forced, bitter chuckle. "Since when has anything about our lives together ever been normal, eh?"

"Yeah, right." She offered him a weak smile, as the silence between them permeated the room, even muffling the soft music, playing in the background.

Rose, trying to focus on the soothing music, nearly leaped from her chair when he suddenly bounced to his feet.

"Ohhhh, I'm so stupid! My stupid head." He thumped his temples with both hands to emphasize his point. "I nearly forgot! Talk about things getting back to normal, Rose! Wait 'til you see! _This'll_ cheer you up!" He snatched her hand in his and all but dragged her with him to his workroom. "Allons-y!"


	6. Chapter 6

The romantic evening the Doctor planned, rapidly goes pear-shaped, when Rose dissolves into tears and an argument ensues.

 **WARNING** : episodes of postpartum depression; severe angst; graphic descriptions of postpartum body functions; strong language.

And sorry... really high levels of angst. The postpartum experience can be a roller-coaster of emotion...

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

The Doctor slumped over the TARDIS' small, white console, watching Rose cry. The "romantic" evening he had planned was rapidly becoming a complete disaster. Standing upright, he rubbed his eyes in frustration. "Rose… I'm sorry. With everything that's happened… the baby and all the… uuuhhh… baby-related challenges you were facing, I just assumed that you would have enough to worry about without—"

"You jus' assumed? What? That I couldn't handle it?"

"I never said that!"

"It sure sounded like it to me!" Her face was contorted in fury, eyes red-rimmed from the tears that dashed over her cheeks.

"That's not—"

"We were supposed to be workin' on this together, Doctor. She was supposed to be _our_ TARDIS—"

"She _is_ our TARDIS!" he barked, stomping around the console toward her. "Don't be so stu…" His mouth froze, fighting back the word that had nearly slipped out in anger.

"You weren't seriously about to say what I think you were?"

"I'm sorry, Rose. I'm so sorry. I admit… it _was_ on the tip of my tongue. And before you start shouting at me again…" He raised his voice and shook an accusing finger at her. He was gratified to see her mouth snap shut. "It's just that I'm _so_ bloody frustrated!"

" _You're_ frustrated? Just piss off, yeah. _You_ get to go to work every day; _you_ don't 'ave to spend ev'ry day changing diapers; _you_ don't 'ave blood pourin' outta you non-fuckin'-stop; _you_ don't 'ave to worry about how much it's goin' to 'urt when you jus' wanna sit down, for God's sake; _you_ don't… you…" Her voice tapered away into another round of heart-rending sobs and she sank to the floor, quaking.

He rushed to close the distance between them, staggering to a halt when he reached her, realizing she would probably shun the embrace he was so impatient to give. Instead, he knelt beside her, patting her shoulder with a clumsy hand.

"Hold me…" her small voice quavered around the words.

He wasted no time. Sitting on the white paneled floor, he gathered her into his lap, rocking her as she nestled into his chest. He hummed a Gallifreyan lullaby as he pressed his lips to her crown. Her weeping soon tapered away to occasional sniffles.

"I'm sorry, love," he murmured. "I can't do much to help with your physical complaints. Weeeell, I might be able to help a little bit. I came across some ointments in one of the downed Ploynxi vessels that seem to be wizard for reducing topical pain and swelling. Might be worth a try… And I've been working on developing a dermal regenerator program for the sonic. But, I'm afraid you'll probably just have to let nature run its course."

She nodded, her cheek rubbing on the soft fabric of his jumper, and gasped out another little sob.

"But, love, I don't _need_ to go into bloody Torchwood every day. This was _your_ choice. Pete even offered me a month off, _and_ gave me permission to work from home any time I wanted. You were the one who said you wanted to do this on your own."

"I know. An' I do. I jus'… I don't want to become dependent on you. I should be able to 'andle this."

"Not be dependent… Is that what all this is about? Weeell, correct me if I'm wrong, Rose Tyler, but I thought this bond that we share…" He touched her temple. "I thought this bond represented a commitment that we made to one another so that we would never feel like we were going it alone. And, for the record, I would like to make it very clear that I would _love_ to change some diapers and spend more time with _both_ my precious girls."

"Yeah?"

"The one adventure I always thought I could never have, remember?"

"Be'er with two, yeah?" She mustered a watery smile.

"And our little plus-one."


	7. Chapter 7

**The Doctor and Rose work out an agreement regarding their first trips on the fledgling TARDIS.**

 **N** o major warnings on this one, other than to remind people that it _is_ a baby fic!

A bit of meandering fluff, with a touch of angst and hurt/comfort thrown in. And the story will be mostly fluffy from here on in. :D

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

Rose wriggled in the Doctor's arms a few minutes later and, pressing a kiss to his cheek, eased herself off his lap. "So," she asked as she disentangled her feet from the skirt of her dress, "she's ready to fly, yeah?"

The Doctor bounced up to his feet beside her, and reaching down, offered her his hand. She grabbed a hold of it and he pulled her up. "Weeeell," he hedged, rubbing his cheek in thought, and scrunching his face up adorably, "yes… and no. Still need to do some very basic test runs. She's very inexperienced, and we'll need to start small. But, yeah, she's pretty much ready to fly."

The TARDIS gave a smug hum, and a smile unfurled over Rose's lips.

"So where're we gonna go, then?"

" _We_ will not be going _anywhere_. _I_ will," he announced with a pointed nod in her direction, eyebrows raised in an expression that brooked no argument.

Rose crossed her arms, steeling herself to deliver a retort.

"Look, Rose, there is no way I am allowing you to take that risk."

"So much for our bond and not goin' it alone. 'Sides, _that's_ not your choice, is it?"

"I'm _making_ it my choice. We have Hope to think about too. She needs her _mum_. If something happened…"

"It could 'appen either of us!" she countered.

"Exactly!"

"W'at would I do without you? It's not fair. I don' wanna be left be'ind." She fought back a sob, eyes trained on the white-paneled floor. She knew he was right, but she couldn't help acting like a petulant child.

"Oh, Rose…" He placed his hands on her upper arms, stroking, soothing. "I just want you safe."

"I know," she acquiesced, a sigh on her lips.

The quiet acceptance only lasted a few seconds before she found her lips trembling again, and she was weeping out her anxieties to him. "But once you get out there again… w'at if you… never want to…"

"Rose… Rose!" He gripped her arms, almost painfully. "Look at me, Rose."

She shook her head, eyes never leaving the ground. "W'at if you… never wanna come back?" she muttered with a wet sniffle.

"I need you to look at me, love." He released her arms and cupped her face in his hands, tipping it up with gentle coaxing. His fingers carded through the loose curls of her hair, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. Then, he brought his lips down to meet hers, soft and pliant, mouthing her with tender strokes. With a gentle suckle of her lower lip, he drew away, and looked at her with those fathomless dark eyes of his. "There is no greater adventure than this life with you, Rose. There is no place in any universe I will ever want to be than by your side, nurturing our children to become the people they are meant to be. Whether that is traveling in time and space or right here on Earth, it doesn't matter. I made my choice a long time ago and I'm never going to leave you."

Rose couldn't avoid a snort of laughter at his choice of words.

"And love," he added, pressing another kiss to her lips, "the first few trips… will only be very small… to-the-other-side-of-the-room small. Just teensy-weensy hops to make sure that her basic navigation is functioning. And then teensy-weensy hops forward and backward in time. And for that, I will need you _here_ to monitor things, and enact the recall mode should anything unexpected happen."

"Yeah?"

"Yes! And once we're sure that everything is working as expected…"

Rose grinned. "Off to show Hope the stars of this universe!"

"Weeell… then I'll take a few less-teensy-weensy trips. Just a few hours, then a few days out, and come right back to you. You should barely even know I was gone."

Rose frowned a little, her tummy knotting with uncertainty again.

He drew her into a hug. "For me, they'll be the longest days and hours ever, love. But for you, I promise, no time will have passed."

She grimaced. "I hate this."

"I know, but it is necessary. And then! And then, Rose, all of space and time at our fingertips! He beamed down at her. "But first, we need to change the desktop theme, don't you think? I mean, white! It's is all a bit impersonal, white, eh? A bit boooooring?"

"And it _would_ be hard to keep clean, yeah? No offence, darling." She stroked the TARDIS' wall, and felt the soft hum of the ship's presence in her mind. "You were very good at keepin' this all a secret, weren't you, love? You clever girl, not lettin' on."

The young TARDIS preened, sending a tentative inquiry to Rose.

Rose laughed. "Yes, darling, I loved the surprise. Sorry I was being a bit stroppy. Come on. Let's give you a makeover. You deserve it." She turned her attention to the Doctor. "How _did_ you keep all this from me?"

"It wasn't easy, believe me, with our bond, and our bond with the TARDIS. I think it helped you were so fatigued, and your mental walls were pretty closed off. Besides, you were so preoccupied with Hope that—"

"Oh, God! Hope!" Rose felt the panic twist her gut. "We've been in here, and she could be crying or…"

"Shh, shh, shh," the Doctor soothed, drawing Rose into another hug. "The TARDIS is keeping a very watchful eye on her. She'll let us know if there's anything amiss, I promise."

She gulped a deep, calming breath. "You sure?"

"Rose, if I thought there was any—"

"Yes or no?"

"Yes, of course."

"Good. That's settled then. Let's get to work on this."


	8. Chapter 8

**The Doctor and Rose spend some time enjoying the new TARDIS interior theme that they designed.**

 **Loads of fluff!**

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

"'S beautiful…" Rose cooed. She looked around in wonder at the new interface of the console room. The young TARDIS was decked out in warm, golden tones similar to her "mother" in the prime universe, but with a smoother finish, reminiscent of brushed metal. Sweeping, curved struts rose to the ceiling, and supported a balcony level with bookcases waiting to be filled, a cozy reading area, an office nook, and several storage cupboards.

She peeked through the gleaming glass panels that framed the metallic floor tiles to the level below the console, and couldn't suppress a grin of delight. A spiraling staircase led to an area that, in addition to providing easy access to the inner workings of the TARDIS, was also a cozy, open-concept living area, complete with comfy sofas, a media system, a sleeping area with a bed and a cot, and a spacious wardrobe. An en suite bathroom and a simple galley completed the space.

The console itself was still minimal, but sparkled with the occasional oddment or gadget that the Doctor had procured from Torchwood and grafted to the TARDIS interface. A short passageway to one side led to a basic, but well-stocked infirmary and a small loo. The sparkling, glassy roundels, that the Doctor claimed were ubiquitous to every TARDIS, were embedded in the arching walls, throughout the space.

Rose sighed in contentment, and the Doctor slipped his arms around her waist, shifting her hair aside to nuzzle the back of her neck. "I know you said that, for now, the TARDIS is limited in 'ow big she can be…" she began, a little insecurity settling in her heart.

"Yup! She'll be limited to the area in the direct vicinity of the central column for a while yet," he concurred. "But… as she gains experience, and becomes more transcendentally stable, the living areas will move deeper into her growing interior and she'll be able to design rooms that are more complex. A pool! A library! Gardens! The possibilities are virtually endless!" He squeezed her in his enthusiasm.

She sighed again, a more wistful sound. "But…"

"What's wrong, love?"

"I love the way she looks… now. I love ev'rything about it." She gestured to the homey living space below the console. "I don't want it to change."

"Then this bit won't change," he assured her. "Tell you what, let's go down there. I have an idea for our first _real_ trip together. Nothing _too_ far (space or time) but… we never _did_ make it as planned the first time…" He tugged on her hand and led her down the winding staircase to a small open space in front of the sofas.

"Probably 'cause of your rubbish drivin'," she teased.

He put on an offended expression. "My driving is _impeccable_ … although," he added as his face darkened with fear and anger, "I admit I could have done without _that_ particular detour."

"Doctor?" Rose pressed her hand over his single pounding heart. "Tell me."

"No, no worries. Everything worked out in the end. And remembering _that_ will force me to be a more careful driver in the future. I'll have extra-precious cargo this time."

Rose grinned up at him. "You change? Nah! W'at would be the fun in that?"

"Rose, I'm serious."

"I know y'are. 'Sides, I know you'll always look after us, yeah. We'll look after each other. But I _do_ believe you were goin' to tell me 'bout that first trip. "

"Yup!" he chirped, face brightening again.

"So…? W'ere's it gonna be?"

With a wiggle of his eyebrows, he pointed his sonic at the music system. "Dance with me?"

The lighting dimmed and as the first notes of a piano sang out a sweet arpeggio, Rose squealed.

"You goin' my way, doll," the Doctor drawled.

"Is there any other way to go, Daddy-o?" Rose giggled.

He held out his hand to her, and drew her towards him as Elvis' rich timbre filled the room.

 _Wise men say, only fools rush in_

 _But I can't help falling in love with you_.

He sang softly in her ear, along with the music, and Rose shivered as his breath tickled against her neck.

 _Shall I stay, or would it be a sin_

 _But I can't help falling in love with you_

 _Like a river flows, surely to the sea,_

 _Darling, so it goes, some things are–_

The music suddenly stopped, replaced by insistent newborn keening, as the TARDIS transmitted sounds from the baby monitor through her speakers. Rose and the Doctor pulled apart, still stubbornly linked by their fingers.

"I'll go," the Doctor smiled, with a happy sigh, releasing Rose's hand.

"No. You've done so much today already. _I'll_ go. I need to feed 'er anyway."

His face lit up. "How aboouut… let's both go… and bring her back here. It's about time these two girls met properly. And you can nurse her in the new chair the TARDIS made especially for you."

Rose beamed, biting her lower lip in anticipation.

He snatched up her hand again, and a broad grin splitting his face, he leaned in and whispered, _"Run!"_


	9. Chapter 9

**Rose listens in as the Doctor changes Hope, and baby-fluff happens.**

 **WARNING: Breastfeeding; very fluffy baby-fluff**

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

In the end, Rose hadn't been able to keep up with the Doctor. She was still tender in many areas, and was already very uncomfortable and out of breath by the time they had rushed through the TARDIS doors. Clutching a supportive arm under her swollen breasts, she'd let go of the Doctor's hand.

He'd lurched to a halt, and wheeled around to face her.

"I… I can't keep up, Doctor," she had panted, leaning back against the TARDIS. "Tell you what… why don't you go get 'er and bring 'er to me, after all, yeah? I'll meet you down there."

"Oh, Rose… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Nah, don't be silly. Off y' go."

A few moments later, Rose had settled into the nursing chair. Her heart swelled with love as she listened through the TARDIS' monitor to the Doctor talking to Hope, and she couldn't help laughing at the Doctor's banter.

"…clean you up, precious one… Oh look at those cute little toes of yours! And that belly button! That might just be the cutest bellybutton in the entire multiverse. But don't tell your mum, darling. She thinks that I think that _she_ has the cutest bellybutton. And, I have to say, her bellybutton, and her toes, and weeell, just about everything about her _is_ _bloody_ perfect! Dammit! Another one for the swear jar… Ooooh, _gosh darn it_ , another one. You're driving us into the poor house, Hopie-girl.

"There now, you're all clean now, love. And here's a nice fresh nappy. Up your legs, darling. There we go. Nice and dry and ready for your supper."

Hope made some tiny cooing sounds.

"Oh, I know, my precious girl. You are _so_ hungry, but you are being so patient. Yes you are. Up you come, my love. Ooooh, I _know_ you're hungry. I'll hurry it up. You don't need to thunk me quite so hard. That head of yours… You certainly know how to get your point across. You're very lucky I speak baby, you know…" His voice trailed away as Rose presumed he left the nursery and was heading down the stairs.

Within a minute, Hope was nestled in Rose's arms, rooting for her breast with eager sounds, her little, pink mouth and tongue making reflexive suckling motions. "Oh-oh-oh!" Rose cried out, as the baby's lips closed over her nipple. "Oh, that feeling as she latches…" She choked out a little giggle and relaxed with a sigh as Hope began suckling in earnest, and stroked the downy brown head with her free hand.

She smiled at the Doctor, who had crouched down before her, observing his little family with unabashed adoration.

"Oh, Rose, I could watch this all day."

"You're mental, you are!" Rose teased in return.

"No, I mean it. I never thought… I never could allow myself to dream…" Tears welled in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, love," she grimaced her apology, as she moved Hope to her shoulder to burp her. "I didn't mean to… well, you know… I _love_ you."

The baby chose that moment to rip out an enormous belch.

"Oh! She's brilliant, Rose!" the Doctor beamed, his mood changing in a flash. "Did you hear that? Now _that_ …! _That_ was impressive!"

"Oi!" Rose reprimanded, but then began laughing. She just couldn't help herself. "Looks like Uncle Tony has some serious competition! Mum'll be thrilled!"

Hope chose that moment to very deliberately swing her head into Rose's cheek.

"Alright, alright! I know. You're still hungry. 'Ere you go then, cheeky girl." Rose positioned her demanding daughter across her lap, so she could latch onto the other breast. She glanced up at the Doctor whose mouth was agape with astonishment. "What?"

"You speak baby, too…?"

"I what?"

"You speak baby…"

"Not exactly. I… uh…"

The Doctor grabbed Rose's head between his hands and planted a firm, wet kiss on her forehead. "You're brilliant!"

"You're daft!"

"I know! Isn't it brilliant?" He grinned again, and turned his attention back to his ravenous daughter. "Oooh, you're such a hungry girl, Hope Donna Tyler-Noble," he babbled. "You're going to sleep like the proverbial baby after this fine meal. Yes you are. Yes you are."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hope refuses to go back to sleep after her feeding, but the Doctor has a surprise up his sleeve that might just ease the strain**

 **WARNING: Baby fluff and more fluff than that!**

 **This is it, everyone! Thank-you so much to all of you who followed this story, and left kudos and lovely comments. To know that someone is enjoying the story and connecting to it in some way, makes the writing of it all so much more worthwhile.**

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

As it turned out, Hope had other ideas. She was still bright-eyed and eager to meet the world long after she had finished eating. Rose and the Doctor took turns pacing with her all around the console room, rocking her and singing lullabies to no effect.

"It's no use, Rose. She's not going to go to sleep."

"No, she's not," Rose heaved a sigh, juggling Hope's weight further onto her shoulder to relieve the cramp in her arm.

"Since she's wide awake anyway, how about we let her meet the TARDIS properly, then, eh?" The Doctor wiggled his eyebrows. He swept out his mobile, ready to capture the precious moment for posterity.

He and Rose were soon giggling at the pictures of Hope's wide-eyed expression as Rose had pressed the baby's damp, little hand against the wall of the TARDIS, and the telepathic connection between the two young beings had been established.

"We are in _so_ much trouble." Rose shook her head, reluctant pride filling her heart. "The two of 'em will get up to all sorts of tricks."

"Oh, _yes!_ Oh… nooooo!" He rubbed the back of his neck. "Weeeell, I suppose we'll just have to set some firm ground rules and see how it goes. No doubt there will be no end of wandering off, too, once she gets these little legs working." He caressed Hope's chubby, round legs.

"No doubt. But, right now, I jus' wish she'd go to sleep. My arms are aching."

" _Oh! I'm so thick_!" he yelped, slapping himself on the forehead.

"W'at! W'at is it?" Rose asked, trying to quell a moment of panic at the Doctor's outburst.

"A solution! Something I made for you, weeks before the baby was born. Tucked it away and… I'm sorry, love. It was another gift for you. It would have saved us a lot of effort, if I'd remembered sooner. My stupid, thick head! Just wait here," he bounded to one of the storage cupboards in the balcony level, and rummaged around, withdrawing a package. "I didn't wrap it, I'm afraid," he lamented as he vaulted over the railing to land in front of Rose.

Rose envied the Doctor his energy, but couldn't help but grin at his enthusiasm. "What is it?" she prompted, as she watched him extract a strange-looking fabric… thingamajig from the package.

"This, Rose Tyler, is a baby carrier!"

Rose squinted suspiciously at the contraption. "That doesn't look like any baby carrier I've ever seen…"

"That's because I designed it myself! One of a kind!"

Rose found she could only offer an indulgent, skeptical smile at his daft grin. "Yourself?"

"Weeell, I looked at lots of the designs of current baby carriers, and made some significant improvements in comfort, safety, flexibility, and in adaptability for when Hope grows. And…" he winked, "I may have got my hands on some rather superior Pentrusi fabrics that never _quite_ made their way to Research and Development… Oh, the Pentrusi, they know their way around a sewing machine! Tailors of the Galaxy, they were called… At least they were in the Prime Universe, aaaand, based on everything I've seen–"

"Wait! Does Dad know 'bout this?"

He reached up his free hand to tug his ear, his face colouring a little. "Oh, Pete's fine with me bringing stuff home to experiment with. Wouldn't have half the interface for the TARDIS without… Besides, what's the point of being head of R 'n' D (I rather like that R 'n' D – Rose 'n' Doctor! Ha!) if I can't take advantage of some of the perks of the position."

Rose had discovered a long time ago that it was better to admit defeat and just go with the flow sometimes where the Doctor was concerned. This was one of those times. She leaned in and pressed a loving kiss to his cheek. " _Well,_ give it 'ere! Let's see it in action, then," she prompted.

The Doctor gave her a look of pure guilt.

"What is it, Doctor?"

"Would you mind, Rose? Would you mind if… if I could wear it first?"

"Y' plum." Rose felt a surge of love pulse through her at the contrite expression in his eyes. "Course I don't mind."

His face shone with joy as he started to don the device. "You sure?"

"Yes! Now show me how it works."

-oOo-

Soon Hope was nestled against her Daddy's chest, gazing up at him. He was returning the gaze with something akin to worship. Rose stroked the baby's gravity-defying tuft of brown hair. "Well someone looks happy," she commented with a soft smile. "Two someones."

They were silent for several minutes, just enjoying sharing smiles, interacting with Hope, and feeling her tenacious grip on their fingers. They communicated their love through their bond and through their mental connection with Hope and the TARDIS.

Finally the Doctor spoke, with a comical frown down at the baby, who gurgled up at him, "Now earlier, _before_ we were interrupted by you, young lady…" he redirected his gaze to Rose, "…I believe I was showing you my moves…"

Rose clapped her hands together with joy. "Straight from the fridge, man!"

The Doctor removed his sonic from a handy pouch on side of the baby-carrier and pointed it at the sound system. The Elvis song picked up where it had left off:

 _…_ _are meant to be…_

He extended his hand, inviting her to join him as he sang along with the lyrics:

 _Take my hand. Take my whole life too._

 _For I can't help falling in love with you…_

Rose felt all the stress of the last few days melt away. She was sure she had never felt so much contentment and love in her life, as she and the Doctor danced in the embrace of their beautiful TARDIS, swaying to the soft music, wrapped in one another's arms. And pressed lovingly between the steady rhythms of their two human hearts was their precious little girl, finally drifting off to sleep.

 _Take my hand. Take my whole life too._

 _For I can't help falling in love with you._


End file.
